settled

We are settled back in from our trip to the North Shore. We had rain and ice and ice-rain for three days straight. We were protected in our little cabin right on the shore of the lake, ice covered everything and we could not venture out (although Andy did have to make a run to the store for some food, we weren't really planning on eating at the cabin too much!) It was fun. We had some old VHS movies, one was The Land Before Time, we watched it too many times to count. We made dozens of paper airplanes. The boys enjoyed bathing with a strainer and some soup ladles for toys. I read The Caged Virgin cover to cover. I really don't know what we did all weekend. Aesa played "I'm Aesa Robot" a bunch, marching around, one arm swinging mechanically, repeating that phrase over and over. We had fun. It was OK to be close, connected, contained for a weekend. The lake was amazing to watch. The ice flowing in and out by morning and night. The beauty and raw power of nature. Arlo only got to throw a few rocks, which he handled quite well (he is a rock throwing superstar at the lake). We'll be back, In August for sure, hopefully with our little sweetie in our arms as well.

Since our referral for T, we are settling in and regaining composure. Life seems less like a play we are actors in. I am impressed with the way our minds slowly let enormous events sink in. Imagine if we realized everything in its entirity the moment that we were presented with life changing information. We might be unable to function, incapacitated by the impact of our emotions. The slow, surreal revealing of the depth and meaning of events in life keep us functioning in some way while our body mind spirit have time to engage with the morsels of change slowly and intimately. What a beautiful journey we have embarked upon. I feel unworthy, overblessed, humbled, amazed. I feel peace and turmoil. I feel like a mother and a wife, and a human being. I'm not making tons of sense, but I think you all know what I mean. Reflecting on this journey is so very, very amazing. And the best is yet to come.

Head Over Heels, and 'Round and 'Round Again

I am not thinking coherently. I am not thinking anything except the same few things over and over and over. I am not a steller Mom or Wife this week, my mind is thousands of miles from here and also traveling deep within my soul.

I have been thrown for a loop, willingly loving the stomache turning emotions of butterflies and joy and embracing the grief and loss.

You see this week we met our daughter. She is perfect. She is waiting; in Addis for us. She is 4 months of pure perfection. Her cheeks and little mouth could stop traffic. I am sure her giggles are noticed in the heavens. She is ours, we are hers, together for the rest of our journey as a family. The boys are stoked, "Our baby sister" with smiles.

The moment I saw her my soul said, "See. You have known her all along." I have faith in my soul, in things I can't explain that seem by chance, but are for certain a part of a plan bigger than I can comprehend. Come with me daughter, take my hand, let's work on this together. Thank you for blessing me with you. Thank you for trusting me, I will always do my best, and always be willing to learn.

Oh girlie, my girlie, I Love You (and Daddy does too.)

Sending the most powerful of maternal mojo over land and ocean to your side. Feel our love. We are coming to you.

...cabin fever...CHECK!

You know it has been a long winter when...

...your kids are ecstatic to roll down their van windows and wave their hands in the wind on the interstate when it is only 30 degrees outside. And you find yourself enjoying the breeze, without a winter coat on.

...your minivan has more trash floating around in it than your trash can on garbage day.

...you can't even see out the windows of your front door anymore because tiny fingerprints are smeared over every inch of the glass.

...the kids have perfected walking on your skating rink driveway by copying your deranged shuffle/walk technique.

...you look out the window every morning and ignore the snow on the ground, preferring to focus on the tree tops and transport yourself mentally to a summer day sitting out back, and you get pissed when your fantasy dissolves.

...you are wearing skirts in March, even though it is cold out. And you are contemplating which of your sandals would have the best traction on ice!

Bring it winter!! You are never gonna get me now! hahahhahhahaahhhsahsaahaha.

(Did I mention it has been a long winter?)

trifecta

Today my boys achieved an honorable status in the are you TRYING to make your mother crazy category???. The accomplishments are as follows:

1. Bicep bite from one brother to the other leaving a raspberry. Holy serious ouch.

2. Paper shoved up the nose during "naptime". No, it this isn't the first time this has happened. And no I can not get it out. I can't even see it anymore. Do I just wait for it to smell or something? Sweet.

3. Potty training leads to pee under the basement stairs. This kid was just on the potty 10 minutes before the incident. I guess it is sort of one step up from the days of peeing in the sump pump drain in the basement. mmmm, boys.

The scariest thing of all... it really doesn't make me crazy. Which makes me fear I must already be crazy or else I would realize this should make me crazy. It is a darn good thing these two are so freaking adorable, it must be helping. Somehow.

Bleh

Eeew. We have the stomach flu. I don't like it one bit. I am convinced it is our penance for living in the freezing never land that we do. So far, only Aesa has had the upchucking variety, the rest of us just queasy and achy. So, good news is, we are on the upswing.

Not much to say today.

Arlo had perhaps the comment of the year today. It went like this. Randomly, casually uttered: "What DO you know about being a good Mom anyway?" Huh? Because I asked him not to pour too much paint on his paper plate pallet...crap...I am sooo in for it with this boy. I am voting for either maniacal maniac or unbelievable visionary. He just comes up with stuff. He is only FOUR. I wish I could capture these things on video. You'd get goosebumps I swear. Quick on his feet I tell ya. I am buying stock in rum.

And another tid bit, I rock at Super Mario Bros on the old school original nintendo. We got it out on VTDay and had a gaming session. I laughed so hard I cried. Twice. I never laugh so hard I cry, it felt awesome! Classic gamers unite!

Happy weekend to you all, Peace!

Arlo's Million Dollar Question

This week Arlo asked me a question that really has no decent answer for a child. I don't want to scare him out of his mind.



"Mom? Why do grown-ups have guns?" (He has been thinking a lot about an armored car we saw while shopping one day. He noticed the guy carrying the money had a gun. I think he was under the impression only cops have guns.)



Oh man buddy. Next question.



"Do they ever shoot kids?"



Answer: Absolutely not.



He is not convinced. I figure it is only a matter of time before he has evidence of my lie. Although we don't watch the news, so maybe it will take a little while for him to stumble onto the horrifying truth.



We have chatted about the shape of bullets, and if they are sharp. I didn't sugar coat the reality of guns and how they work, wouldn't want him to be naiive should he ever cross paths with a gun that is not properly stored away at someone's house. He,s wondering if it hurts to get the bullets taken out of you. For now, he's satisfied- but he is still pondering this one- he asks related questions daily (well, does it hurt to get shot by a cannon? but the balls are round! but I'm really strong!).



Can't he ask me some questions about Dora or Handy Manny or something?

Arlo Funnies

Arlo and I had lunch together yesterday. I was sleepy and forgot to plug our parking meter. About half way through our meal I realized that I had forgotten, and looked out the window to see if we were busted, holding my breath, until I saw the lime-green envelope on my windshield. Damn. Oh well. With a pit in my stomache (how much are these things anyways?) and feeling like a nimrod, I told Arlo that we got a ticket. Here is the conversation that followed:

me: Oh, shoot, I forgot to put money in our meter and we got a ticket!

arlo: What kind of ticket?

me: A parking ticket.

arlo: What's a parking ticket?

me: A fine you have to pay when you forget to plug the meter.

arlo: Who put it there?

me: The person who checks meters.

arlo: Like a police officer?

me: Yeah, sort of.

arlo: Are you going to jail?

me: no. (arlo looks dissapointed).

arlo: Do we get to meet them? I have so many questions to ask them about what all their stuff is for.

me: No, honey. She's gone. (we walk out to the car and I hand the ticket to arlo).

arlo: Thanks Mom. I will take good care of it. OH LOOK, she put something inside...there is writing in there!!

me: Yep. It says 'to arlo'.

arlo: How did she know my name?

me: Funny huh. Maybe she is sort of like Santa Clause.

arlo: Yeah. She sure is. Thanks Mom. I will keep this one and put it in my room on my bookshelf right next to my favorite books. It is special to me.

me: OK. (reminding myself not to forget about the damn thing so I don't have to pay the city a gazillion dollars.)

arlo: On the cell phone with his Dad: Hi Dad! Mom forgot to pay the parking meter and she got a ticket and she gave it to me!!!!! It is bright green and has a window with a little note inside. I am going to keep it on my bookshelf and next time Mom forgets to pay the meter she can get one for Aesa.

He turned it into something fun and creative, so he gets props for that. This morning while I was picking up I opened his bookshelf to return a book to it's home and there it was- the bright green ticket that brings arlo so much joy. I promptly moved it to the kitchen counter lest I forget about it again.



Another conversation arlo had recently. This time with my mother-in-law.

arlo: (walking into the bathroom with Grandma and beginning to pee) I have a penis, you know.

gigi (mother in law): Oh, you sure do.

arlo: Yep. And so does Aesa. And Daddy. And Papa. And even my other Papa. But his is probably wrinkley cuz he's a grown up.

gigi: oh.

Seriously. Boys. You gotta love em.