settled

We are settled back in from our trip to the North Shore. We had rain and ice and ice-rain for three days straight. We were protected in our little cabin right on the shore of the lake, ice covered everything and we could not venture out (although Andy did have to make a run to the store for some food, we weren't really planning on eating at the cabin too much!) It was fun. We had some old VHS movies, one was The Land Before Time, we watched it too many times to count. We made dozens of paper airplanes. The boys enjoyed bathing with a strainer and some soup ladles for toys. I read The Caged Virgin cover to cover. I really don't know what we did all weekend. Aesa played "I'm Aesa Robot" a bunch, marching around, one arm swinging mechanically, repeating that phrase over and over. We had fun. It was OK to be close, connected, contained for a weekend. The lake was amazing to watch. The ice flowing in and out by morning and night. The beauty and raw power of nature. Arlo only got to throw a few rocks, which he handled quite well (he is a rock throwing superstar at the lake). We'll be back, In August for sure, hopefully with our little sweetie in our arms as well.

Since our referral for T, we are settling in and regaining composure. Life seems less like a play we are actors in. I am impressed with the way our minds slowly let enormous events sink in. Imagine if we realized everything in its entirity the moment that we were presented with life changing information. We might be unable to function, incapacitated by the impact of our emotions. The slow, surreal revealing of the depth and meaning of events in life keep us functioning in some way while our body mind spirit have time to engage with the morsels of change slowly and intimately. What a beautiful journey we have embarked upon. I feel unworthy, overblessed, humbled, amazed. I feel peace and turmoil. I feel like a mother and a wife, and a human being. I'm not making tons of sense, but I think you all know what I mean. Reflecting on this journey is so very, very amazing. And the best is yet to come.

Head Over Heels, and 'Round and 'Round Again

I am not thinking coherently. I am not thinking anything except the same few things over and over and over. I am not a steller Mom or Wife this week, my mind is thousands of miles from here and also traveling deep within my soul.

I have been thrown for a loop, willingly loving the stomache turning emotions of butterflies and joy and embracing the grief and loss.

You see this week we met our daughter. She is perfect. She is waiting; in Addis for us. She is 4 months of pure perfection. Her cheeks and little mouth could stop traffic. I am sure her giggles are noticed in the heavens. She is ours, we are hers, together for the rest of our journey as a family. The boys are stoked, "Our baby sister" with smiles.

The moment I saw her my soul said, "See. You have known her all along." I have faith in my soul, in things I can't explain that seem by chance, but are for certain a part of a plan bigger than I can comprehend. Come with me daughter, take my hand, let's work on this together. Thank you for blessing me with you. Thank you for trusting me, I will always do my best, and always be willing to learn.

Oh girlie, my girlie, I Love You (and Daddy does too.)

Sending the most powerful of maternal mojo over land and ocean to your side. Feel our love. We are coming to you.

...cabin fever...CHECK!

You know it has been a long winter when...

...your kids are ecstatic to roll down their van windows and wave their hands in the wind on the interstate when it is only 30 degrees outside. And you find yourself enjoying the breeze, without a winter coat on.

...your minivan has more trash floating around in it than your trash can on garbage day.

...you can't even see out the windows of your front door anymore because tiny fingerprints are smeared over every inch of the glass.

...the kids have perfected walking on your skating rink driveway by copying your deranged shuffle/walk technique.

...you look out the window every morning and ignore the snow on the ground, preferring to focus on the tree tops and transport yourself mentally to a summer day sitting out back, and you get pissed when your fantasy dissolves.

...you are wearing skirts in March, even though it is cold out. And you are contemplating which of your sandals would have the best traction on ice!

Bring it winter!! You are never gonna get me now! hahahhahhahaahhhsahsaahaha.

(Did I mention it has been a long winter?)

trifecta

Today my boys achieved an honorable status in the are you TRYING to make your mother crazy category???. The accomplishments are as follows:

1. Bicep bite from one brother to the other leaving a raspberry. Holy serious ouch.

2. Paper shoved up the nose during "naptime". No, it this isn't the first time this has happened. And no I can not get it out. I can't even see it anymore. Do I just wait for it to smell or something? Sweet.

3. Potty training leads to pee under the basement stairs. This kid was just on the potty 10 minutes before the incident. I guess it is sort of one step up from the days of peeing in the sump pump drain in the basement. mmmm, boys.

The scariest thing of all... it really doesn't make me crazy. Which makes me fear I must already be crazy or else I would realize this should make me crazy. It is a darn good thing these two are so freaking adorable, it must be helping. Somehow.