T-day!! We Passed Court!

We are one BIG step closer to bringing our little lady home. I am in shock. We are hers and she is ours! This is a day to celebrate. I can finally, finally unleash all the love that I have tried to temper over the past few months. No more 'what ifs' for me. I am so happy for her, and also so happy for us. I can barely take her cuteness. She is about 4 months in these pictures, but she is almost 7 now. I can't wait to see how she has changed! Thanks for all the good wishes, it must have been some serious mojo!!

We love you T!

six days

Until our court date. In six days we hope to legally be in the place we have emotionally been for months. Six more days. Send us your mojo.

xo. Sara

The Wheels are Turning in Arlo's Head

Arlo is a thinker. He thinks so much and so intricately I am left dumfounded at times. He is sorting this world out, trying to link like to like and make sense of life.

On our trip this week, he had some really great questions. His first was "Mom, can a boy and a boy get married if they are grown up?" to which my answer was an unqualified, "Yes." (I felt no need to impart all of the details to him, his question was very straightforward and so was my answer, plus we were in Massachusetts at the time!) Then Arlo said, "But is one of them beautiful then and the other one is just regular, or are they both beautiful, or both regular?" I asked him what he thought. He said, " I think one of them is beautiful." I nodded and gave him a hug.

On the drive home, somewhere between Ohio and Indiana Arlo asked me "If two people, who were grown-ups, could live together if they weren't married?" I asked if he meant grown ups who were in love or just people who share a house. He said people that are in love. I said "Yes" and he was back to playing his game. Why he thinks of these things at random times in the day amazes me. If my mom wasn't there to witness it, I would think that I was hallucinating. I love to watch him taking the world and fitting it into the slots in his mind. I love to help him sort through the process, I love that his thoughts are so genuine and free of any judgement, he is just sorting it all out. I love watching my children grow and learn.

His other comment, was rather funny, and came while watching a veggie tales movie. Riding in the back of the van he said in such an adult voice, "Mom, you won't believe what I just seen!" My eyebrows raised and he answered while slapping his hand down on his leg, "A girl with no boobs." I guess he is sorting it all out. I just let that one go for the day, I felt we had covered some good ground already for a four year old.

Isn't he just squeezable! (We went to the ocean and Arlo dumped some 40 degree water on his head in 60 degree weather. He loved it right through the shivering and pain.)

Court Date

We have a court date. It is May 26th. We are super busy the weeks leading up to our court date, so I hope that makes it come quickly and without untamed anxiety. I am hopeful, but not enough to get giddy. I am holding my breath. If all goes well, we could be in Addis in July. Baby girl will be eight months old.

We are ready. Arlo and Aesa are ready. We play "Who loves T?" in the car, each time it melts me when they shout out "I do!" and raise their hands above their heads. Arlo is especially excited. We just returned from a trip out to see my brother and his wife in Massachusetts. They are having a baby in May and Arlo got to feel the baby kick. He sweetly asked my sister-in-law if it was T in there. Tears welled in my eyes for this boy with his sweet heart and I told him T wasn't in Auntie's belly, she grew in another mommy's belly and is in Ethiopia with her nannies until we travel to bring her home. He looked a little sad, a little saddled with the information. What an honor to be his mother.

One more month of holding our breath and emotion, until we can begin the next phase of this process. One more month until we can hunker down and focus on our next goal. One more month that she can grow stronger. One more month to prepare ourselves for this honor of becoming her parents. One more month to revel in our blessings and take seriously and act accordingly with the knowledge of our priviledge. One more month to become better parents/people. One more month of love floating over the ocean. One more month of leaning on our amazing friends who have been there and can help us learn and grow. We are ready and step willingly into each day of this next month, we are honored and humbled, we are blessed so much by this little one already. I greet the next days with open arms, and hope that we will be moving closer to T in one more month.

TTFN

I am finding it hard to take the time to put my thoughts out here on my blog. Cool things are happening in our life, and I like the old fashioned way of documenting them best. I love to journal, pen (for the sake or archiving) to paper, soft music playing, snuggled in bed. (Maybe I need a laptop). We are having excellent times, times to be recorded, sayings to be remembered, knock knock jokes a plenty. Aesa turned three on Sunday. He was beautiful. He is beautiful. I am still swimming in it, the joy in my heart for that precious boy. I can't funnel the words out right away, and when I can it seems so long gone and the moment and the inspiration are lost. Journaling allows me detail that blogging doesn't. I feel torn between the two. Time is not in abundance for these activities. I think that is why I'm not blogging enough. Not recording the moments of our days as they pass, and not sharing the utter joy and contemplation in my heart as we approach the final days before we hold our little T. It's all there, I mean here, I'm just not conveying it.

I feel like our life is so rich, yet I hesitate to share because that is not the essence of our life. We are blessed by those around us, by our opportunities, by our outlooks on life. We are growing more and more every day to a point where I feel the urge to run to the top of the tallest mountain, scream at the top of my lungs, collapse and sob. It is so profound, so all encompassing, so much. And I am just trying to soak it all in and feel my way through it all. Watching my children grow and learn will be the most profound experience of my life. Watching them become themselves more every day. I am so lucky to have this inside seat, front and center (at least until the teen years) where I am honored with this opportunity. The sanctity of it all is something I take seriously, I cherish it.

I love the idea that one day my kids will hold my family journals, see my handwriting scribbled across the pages, and touch the spot where I pushed my pen to the paper with their fingertips. They will see my doodles, imagine my hand holding the book much like their own. They will inevitably transcribe them and turn them into some sort of electronic format, but a bit of my soul will reside in those pages. I find it to be an intensely intimate act, writing on paper. (Although, my writing muscles in my hand are sadly out of shape these days compared to my pre-computer keyboard days).

I plan on updating this blog randomly, and with pictures as we near travel, but I think I am going to get back to the basics again and focus on my journaling old school style. If you want to chat or check in on us, please leave a comment and I will send you my email. This life, this journey, is too beautiful, complex, rewarding, and tremendous not to share with others. How about a cup of coffee and a stroll through the park?

I will continue to update our timeline as we move closer to travel.

Peace and Blessings!
Sara

settled

We are settled back in from our trip to the North Shore. We had rain and ice and ice-rain for three days straight. We were protected in our little cabin right on the shore of the lake, ice covered everything and we could not venture out (although Andy did have to make a run to the store for some food, we weren't really planning on eating at the cabin too much!) It was fun. We had some old VHS movies, one was The Land Before Time, we watched it too many times to count. We made dozens of paper airplanes. The boys enjoyed bathing with a strainer and some soup ladles for toys. I read The Caged Virgin cover to cover. I really don't know what we did all weekend. Aesa played "I'm Aesa Robot" a bunch, marching around, one arm swinging mechanically, repeating that phrase over and over. We had fun. It was OK to be close, connected, contained for a weekend. The lake was amazing to watch. The ice flowing in and out by morning and night. The beauty and raw power of nature. Arlo only got to throw a few rocks, which he handled quite well (he is a rock throwing superstar at the lake). We'll be back, In August for sure, hopefully with our little sweetie in our arms as well.

Since our referral for T, we are settling in and regaining composure. Life seems less like a play we are actors in. I am impressed with the way our minds slowly let enormous events sink in. Imagine if we realized everything in its entirity the moment that we were presented with life changing information. We might be unable to function, incapacitated by the impact of our emotions. The slow, surreal revealing of the depth and meaning of events in life keep us functioning in some way while our body mind spirit have time to engage with the morsels of change slowly and intimately. What a beautiful journey we have embarked upon. I feel unworthy, overblessed, humbled, amazed. I feel peace and turmoil. I feel like a mother and a wife, and a human being. I'm not making tons of sense, but I think you all know what I mean. Reflecting on this journey is so very, very amazing. And the best is yet to come.

Head Over Heels, and 'Round and 'Round Again

I am not thinking coherently. I am not thinking anything except the same few things over and over and over. I am not a steller Mom or Wife this week, my mind is thousands of miles from here and also traveling deep within my soul.

I have been thrown for a loop, willingly loving the stomache turning emotions of butterflies and joy and embracing the grief and loss.

You see this week we met our daughter. She is perfect. She is waiting; in Addis for us. She is 4 months of pure perfection. Her cheeks and little mouth could stop traffic. I am sure her giggles are noticed in the heavens. She is ours, we are hers, together for the rest of our journey as a family. The boys are stoked, "Our baby sister" with smiles.

The moment I saw her my soul said, "See. You have known her all along." I have faith in my soul, in things I can't explain that seem by chance, but are for certain a part of a plan bigger than I can comprehend. Come with me daughter, take my hand, let's work on this together. Thank you for blessing me with you. Thank you for trusting me, I will always do my best, and always be willing to learn.

Oh girlie, my girlie, I Love You (and Daddy does too.)

Sending the most powerful of maternal mojo over land and ocean to your side. Feel our love. We are coming to you.