Best Friends and Worst Enemies

Spurred by the dirty look I got from the lady working at the gap today, I thought I would hash this out a bit. She was watching the boys play with some toys that they have on annoyingly low displays and questioned to me:

'They are close in age, aren't they?'

My reply, 'Yep, 16 months apart.'

She said with a smile and a nod, 'are they best buddies?'

And my reply was totally honest and nothing shameful when I said, 'and worst enemies.'

But she gave me this oh-what-a-shame-you-must-be-an-unfit-mother look (OK, maybe it was just a quick flash in her eyes, but it was there, I am certain).

Anyways it got me thinking about their relationship. They love each other tremendously and tell one another at random times when they are playing. If one of them gets hurt, the other runs to the freezer for an ice pack. If they are apart, Aesa must ask where Arlo is every 3 minutes until they are reunited. They count on each other to spur creativity and fight imaginary monsters. They enjoy the same games. They look out for each other, like the time Aesa told me to 'be nice to Arlo' when he was getting reprimanded for something I can't remember. A couple of days ago, Arlo said to me, 'I sure am lucky to have a little brother like Aesa.' They hug and kiss before bed at night. They have a very unique and intense bond that I am privileged to witness as they grow up together.

AND... they are brothers who are 16 months apart. They compete all day every day without even intending to. Lately, they can't keep their hands off each other whenever I walk out of the room for more than 3 seconds. They smash into each other, pinch, poke, pull hair. It is totally reciprocal, each dishes and each is served. They constantly want the toy the other one is playing with, and rarely does a minute pass in my house when someone isn't waiting for someone else's toy. We dole out turns in minutes, which leads to some pretty hefty flailing by the child who has to wait 3 minutes for their turn with the magnet that the other child pulled off the fridge and is using to push marbles across the floor, 'a whole three minutes?! That will take like an hour (arms flailing, body crumbling, tears flowing)'. It seems intense, and it is, but it totally makes sense if you look at it through their eyes. To them it is just life, normalcy, nothing less nothing more. They ebb and flow between best friends and worst enemies about 22 trillion times a day. I think it will enable them to deal with life in a healthier way, to negotiate relationships in a complex and developed manner. It is hard for them sometimes, but they are learning golden nuggets of information from each other, and what they learn now in a healthy and safe way, they will be spared from learning later in life when it is much much harder.

Maybe instead of saying best friends and worst enemies next time, I should say best friends and best enemies.