Babies. Sweet babies.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v7ZQUzr0yo
Most of my friends who have adopted from Ethiopia have already seen this video. It stays with me always. I am thankful for that, thankful for these children who haven't become just a statistic or a nameless face in the masses to me. Thankful for the safety and stability in their lives now. Sam and Esther, you are amazing little souls who have suffered so much in such a short time. May you always see the light surrounding you...
I could make a difference in so many more ways. I challenge myself to take the opportunity. Maybe NO NEW clothing/shoes for a year, and the budget goes to MSF....brainstorming here. (Not a ton of money, but definately expendible). (Just writing that makes me want to puke, priveledge is a disgusting reality).
Any more ideas?
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Baptism
Tirfe was baptised on Friday night, no pictures but it was perfect.
She was baptised by our friend, who is a Lakota spiritual leader. We are so blessed. The ceremony was amazing. It began with the lighting of the fire and giving of tobacco, so many prayers for this little girl. I learned to make frybread, a beef and rice stew, and a traditional blueberry dessert (I can't remember the Lakota names for the dishes...). While I prepared the food, with guidance from my generous and amazing teachers, my job was to think of Tirfe and how much I love her- just to put that love into the food. This food would become part of the spirit plate for the night. My mom and the boys were there, as was Andy. Andy is a doorman for this lodge and sweats every Friday.
I am aware of the struggles Tirfe may face in her future as she searches for her own unique identity. I know she will struggle with grief in her life, an aching to know more, to touch and feel what she can not remember about those who first loved her in her life. I am acutely aware that I have much to learn to parent this daughter of mine in the way that she deserves. I know that we will be working on balancing everything we want Tirfe to experience and learn so that she can build a healthy and strong self-image. That's why nights like Friday bring me to tears when I see people embracing our family and weaving such a blanket of support around us. The love and support we have been offered is something I can't put into words, it is off the charts- amazing. What an honor. This little girl has so many hands of love surrounding her and supporting her in her journey through life, she is so loved, and I am humbled. My heart is swelling with gratitude today.
Part of me is sad that we don't have pictures to document the moment, but deep down I know that this story is one we need to share orally. Pictures aren't necessary, it is in her as it is in us and we will remember it with words just the same. I depend on pictures to express my heart much too often anyhow, it is an honor to carry this story for her until she knows it.
She was baptised by our friend, who is a Lakota spiritual leader. We are so blessed. The ceremony was amazing. It began with the lighting of the fire and giving of tobacco, so many prayers for this little girl. I learned to make frybread, a beef and rice stew, and a traditional blueberry dessert (I can't remember the Lakota names for the dishes...). While I prepared the food, with guidance from my generous and amazing teachers, my job was to think of Tirfe and how much I love her- just to put that love into the food. This food would become part of the spirit plate for the night. My mom and the boys were there, as was Andy. Andy is a doorman for this lodge and sweats every Friday.
I am aware of the struggles Tirfe may face in her future as she searches for her own unique identity. I know she will struggle with grief in her life, an aching to know more, to touch and feel what she can not remember about those who first loved her in her life. I am acutely aware that I have much to learn to parent this daughter of mine in the way that she deserves. I know that we will be working on balancing everything we want Tirfe to experience and learn so that she can build a healthy and strong self-image. That's why nights like Friday bring me to tears when I see people embracing our family and weaving such a blanket of support around us. The love and support we have been offered is something I can't put into words, it is off the charts- amazing. What an honor. This little girl has so many hands of love surrounding her and supporting her in her journey through life, she is so loved, and I am humbled. My heart is swelling with gratitude today.
Part of me is sad that we don't have pictures to document the moment, but deep down I know that this story is one we need to share orally. Pictures aren't necessary, it is in her as it is in us and we will remember it with words just the same. I depend on pictures to express my heart much too often anyhow, it is an honor to carry this story for her until she knows it.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Looking forward, looking back, trying to be present
Our summer has been fabulous. Enjoying our children is the highlight. They are passionate, funny, spontaneous, and loving. They make my life so much fun. Who else is going to wake up muttering, "I wish a caterpillar would crawl on my finger" than Aesa? Who else would do all the polishing and spice work at school if Arlo wasn't? Who else bursts into hysterical fits of laughter when you play with her than Tirfe? We are so blessed with our beautiful family.
This is a time of year where I reflect on the change of seasons and I stack all of my to do lists from the beginning of summer against what I actually accomplished. I ultimately notice the list is just longer now, and that pesky porch I wanted to scrape and repaint remains chipped and unpainted. Laundry is PILING up in my kitchen (!!) and the gardens never did get weeded or watered enough. I feel like I am unable to accomplish what I imagine others accomplish every day. I realize that I try to squeeze 36 hours of activities into a 24 hour day almost every day, I flounder at trying to be present, acutely aware of how quickly time passes and moments are gone into yesterday. A viscous cycle I repeat every day, multiple times. It is a bit like making yourself go mad, I guess it's how I roll. And I kind of like that about myself.
If my kitchen didn't have laundry in it, if my gardens were immaculate (like the gardens in my minds-eye), and if I had that porch painted it wouldn't be me. I will get it all done, when it feels right (and when my kids are a little older...haha). Looking back I am happy, so extremely happy, with where we are as a family, what we have accomplished in our lives and who we are as people. Looking forward almost makes me squeel with anticipation. I am excited to watch our family grow and change. I am excited to meet our future children, should we be so blessed. Watching the bonds grow between our children is one of the most precious gifts I have ever had the opportunity to witness in my life. The intimate bonds of family, shared experiences and time.
As I try to be present, I remember my 11 year old self and try to take lessons from the simple wisdom I had then. My mom used to ask me to make my bed frequently, which I could never understand (but that's a different story), and I always replied, "Why does it matter? Will it be on my tombstone when I am dead that I made my bed every day?" I know, morbid, but quite frankly it sums up my perspective on life quite nicely. I am trying to remember that the important things are getting done every day. My children are happy and thriving, we are living a life in tune with our values, we give back to our community every day, we are connected with GOOD people, we are blessed with amazing friends, and we are constantly looking to broaden our knowledge and contribute to society. Not to shabby. I am so happy, so content, so grateful- beyond words for what we have and don't deserve. I am trying to be present and not get caught up in the insanity of trying to live a life I don't understand. I guess being present is all about being true to myself. I am working on it, my whole life I will work on it. Gratefully.
I promise posts full of pictures to come. Melkam Addis Amet!
This is a time of year where I reflect on the change of seasons and I stack all of my to do lists from the beginning of summer against what I actually accomplished. I ultimately notice the list is just longer now, and that pesky porch I wanted to scrape and repaint remains chipped and unpainted. Laundry is PILING up in my kitchen (!!) and the gardens never did get weeded or watered enough. I feel like I am unable to accomplish what I imagine others accomplish every day. I realize that I try to squeeze 36 hours of activities into a 24 hour day almost every day, I flounder at trying to be present, acutely aware of how quickly time passes and moments are gone into yesterday. A viscous cycle I repeat every day, multiple times. It is a bit like making yourself go mad, I guess it's how I roll. And I kind of like that about myself.
If my kitchen didn't have laundry in it, if my gardens were immaculate (like the gardens in my minds-eye), and if I had that porch painted it wouldn't be me. I will get it all done, when it feels right (and when my kids are a little older...haha). Looking back I am happy, so extremely happy, with where we are as a family, what we have accomplished in our lives and who we are as people. Looking forward almost makes me squeel with anticipation. I am excited to watch our family grow and change. I am excited to meet our future children, should we be so blessed. Watching the bonds grow between our children is one of the most precious gifts I have ever had the opportunity to witness in my life. The intimate bonds of family, shared experiences and time.
As I try to be present, I remember my 11 year old self and try to take lessons from the simple wisdom I had then. My mom used to ask me to make my bed frequently, which I could never understand (but that's a different story), and I always replied, "Why does it matter? Will it be on my tombstone when I am dead that I made my bed every day?" I know, morbid, but quite frankly it sums up my perspective on life quite nicely. I am trying to remember that the important things are getting done every day. My children are happy and thriving, we are living a life in tune with our values, we give back to our community every day, we are connected with GOOD people, we are blessed with amazing friends, and we are constantly looking to broaden our knowledge and contribute to society. Not to shabby. I am so happy, so content, so grateful- beyond words for what we have and don't deserve. I am trying to be present and not get caught up in the insanity of trying to live a life I don't understand. I guess being present is all about being true to myself. I am working on it, my whole life I will work on it. Gratefully.
I promise posts full of pictures to come. Melkam Addis Amet!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Vacation Weekend
We are headed to Gr
and Marais this weekend. Can
't wait to throw some rocks, make smores, inhale crisp air off the lake, and sleep to the sound of waves hitting shore.
and Marais this weekend. Can
't wait to throw some rocks, make smores, inhale crisp air off the lake, and sleep to the sound of waves hitting shore.
Last time we were in Grand Marais was the weekend after we got T's referral. We sat and stared at her picture all weekend.
There was a crazy ice storm and we couldn't even leave our cabin. It was so warm and cozy. Narry a rock was thro
wn in the lake, they were all frozen together. It was still, silent, reverent. Perfect.
wn in the lake, they were all frozen together. It was still, silent, reverent. Perfect. 
I am so excited to dip her toes in The Big Lake for the first time. Powerful business.Woo hoo.
Tirfe is recovering from a nasty sinus infection, feeling so much better each day. Poor girl, she is such a trooper- wish she would complain more when she is in pain...we are working on it. At the doc, I found out she has gained over 3 pounds since coming home in July. Sweet.
Arlo started preschool this week at an awesome Montessori in town. He loves it and is glowing with pride when we pick him up. He was so ready for some independence and a change of routine. I wasn't sure how I would handle it, but once I see his face when I pick him up, it is a no brainer. The boy loves people and loves learning. So far he thinks school is the bomb.
Aesa is having fun being the big bro while Arlo is at school. He helps me by putting blankets on Tirfe's head while I shower and things like that. He also sneaks marshmallows any chance he gets. When Tirfe is heading for something he thinks she shouldn't have, I can hear him say "oh no you don't!!" which cracks me up, not sure where he got that. Also, since I am on the topic of Aesa and his funny sayings, when he is in trouble lately and I am trying to talk with him, he has taken to 'meowing'. Great. How do you reason with a cat? He's got me there.
Off to rest my rock skipping arm, Lake Superior here we come!!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
attachment
It is so lovely, unfolding day by day. Attachment. Something (I have come to realize) that is hard to describe to those outside the adoption-realm.
It is ongoing every day. Right now, with Tirfe, it's blossoming. With the boys, I know we work on this too. every. single. day. With Tirfe, it is amplified for everyone involved (especially our sweet girl).
She is so resilient. She is a survivor in more ways that I will ever understand. She is my teacher, my guide, my daughter. I am so humbled and grateful.
It is a feeling, a knowing, a presence that evolves. I didn't know what it would look like exactly, but I see it every day. I am embracing this beauty, my opportunity to be the Mother I want to be to my girl (and the Mother my girl needs me to be).
She is absolutely amazing. In every way. I want every dam that she has constructed to let go when it is ready. Because I am ready; and so very honored (and willing) to be able to share this life with her.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Gator Days
The boys have been having a love affair with their gators since we got them. Tirfe was totally mesmerized and timid at first. I never would have thought to put her in the passenger seat until next year. But she had other ideas. She practically leaps out of my arms and onto the gator when she sees it. Arlo loves to give her a ride around the yard for a bit. It is so cute when you see them driving away. She is super buckled in, and I usually follow close behind. She is so content on there, especially when she has her biggest bro snuggling her. I didn't have enough light, so Arlo and T are mostly shadows, but you get the idea. What you miss is the big smile on Tirfe's face when they stop. This totally captures Aesa's personality, he is so funny.
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