Looking forward, looking back, trying to be present

Our summer has been fabulous. Enjoying our children is the highlight. They are passionate, funny, spontaneous, and loving. They make my life so much fun. Who else is going to wake up muttering, "I wish a caterpillar would crawl on my finger" than Aesa? Who else would do all the polishing and spice work at school if Arlo wasn't? Who else bursts into hysterical fits of laughter when you play with her than Tirfe? We are so blessed with our beautiful family.

This is a time of year where I reflect on the change of seasons and I stack all of my to do lists from the beginning of summer against what I actually accomplished. I ultimately notice the list is just longer now, and that pesky porch I wanted to scrape and repaint remains chipped and unpainted. Laundry is PILING up in my kitchen (!!) and the gardens never did get weeded or watered enough. I feel like I am unable to accomplish what I imagine others accomplish every day. I realize that I try to squeeze 36 hours of activities into a 24 hour day almost every day, I flounder at trying to be present, acutely aware of how quickly time passes and moments are gone into yesterday. A viscous cycle I repeat every day, multiple times. It is a bit like making yourself go mad, I guess it's how I roll. And I kind of like that about myself.

If my kitchen didn't have laundry in it, if my gardens were immaculate (like the gardens in my minds-eye), and if I had that porch painted it wouldn't be me. I will get it all done, when it feels right (and when my kids are a little older...haha). Looking back I am happy, so extremely happy, with where we are as a family, what we have accomplished in our lives and who we are as people. Looking forward almost makes me squeel with anticipation. I am excited to watch our family grow and change. I am excited to meet our future children, should we be so blessed. Watching the bonds grow between our children is one of the most precious gifts I have ever had the opportunity to witness in my life. The intimate bonds of family, shared experiences and time.

As I try to be present, I remember my 11 year old self and try to take lessons from the simple wisdom I had then. My mom used to ask me to make my bed frequently, which I could never understand (but that's a different story), and I always replied, "Why does it matter? Will it be on my tombstone when I am dead that I made my bed every day?" I know, morbid, but quite frankly it sums up my perspective on life quite nicely. I am trying to remember that the important things are getting done every day. My children are happy and thriving, we are living a life in tune with our values, we give back to our community every day, we are connected with GOOD people, we are blessed with amazing friends, and we are constantly looking to broaden our knowledge and contribute to society. Not to shabby. I am so happy, so content, so grateful- beyond words for what we have and don't deserve. I am trying to be present and not get caught up in the insanity of trying to live a life I don't understand. I guess being present is all about being true to myself. I am working on it, my whole life I will work on it. Gratefully.

I promise posts full of pictures to come. Melkam Addis Amet!